thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's blow job season.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
