I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize