the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
