Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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