PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
