3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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