I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
