$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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