Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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