never play flip cup with pint glasses
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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