I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
