She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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