you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
