I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
