every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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