she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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