You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When are your genitals available?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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