4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
