I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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