Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
