I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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