I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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