The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
