Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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