I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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