Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
