do herpes really smell.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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