singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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