My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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