I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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