i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
