whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
