Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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