I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
