It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
