come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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