I understand Curling. That high.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
