id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
