I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need water and some morals
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
