woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
