Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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