Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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