You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
