new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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