is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
