i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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