Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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