after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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