She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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