Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
