That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
