Me too!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
