so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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