i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
