dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
