People in love make me want to vomit
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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