just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
