go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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