my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
