for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
