FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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