I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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