Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
