"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
