nut hugger
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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