evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
