Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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