Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
