all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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