actually, I'm a sock model
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
