I have demons in me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize