the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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