A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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