walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
