Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
