I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
