So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
