I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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