Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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