I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak