I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
