You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dick very happy bro