Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me