I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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