Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.