My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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