No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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