her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
