Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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