talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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