Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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