dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
